It's been 10 months since my last post and I have thought long and hard as to whether or not I was going to write this post today. I have decided on a yes but in saying that you will probably find this post a little cryptic, a touch mysterious and perhaps draw from it what you will.
The reason........ I want the feeling that comes with letting go, off loading (to a degree) shedding some skin through writing, so to speak. :) So please bare with me my friends!
On this day 12 months ago I received a phone call from a despicable human being that changed my life forever. It sent me into a tail spin from which I immediately headed underground. It was like being cut off at the knees, picked up from your ankles and dropped on your head and when you get up, when you eventually drag yourself back up onto your feet you have no idea which way is up.
Life still moves forward, the sun still rises and sets, the moon still throws a beam but you stand still...numb.....confused.....hurt......trying to somehow remove a pain from within, stick it in a bottle and toss it in the ocean. But you cannot. You don't know how to get it out of you. It haunts you. It takes your soul. It breaks you. And none of it was your doing. A despicable human being had somehow been created on this earth, found you in their so called journey of whatever and tried to destroy you.
Heavy I know, but so so true. All the qualities of ourselves that we have aquired and learned along the way on our journey like confidence, self esteem, security etc just disappear.....poooooffff......just like that to the arrival of hate, fear, mourning. The list goes on............!
Where do you go? Who do you turn too? Friends.....very very special friends who very slowly but surely gently pull you to the surface and keep doing that everytime you sink until one day you just manage to stay there, just bobbing. You may be wearing floaties but that's ok, you're still at the surface..
Then it all slowly starts to become clear as to why this has happened. There has to be a reason, a message in it. Life simply could not be so cruel. You find strength, you realise what truly special friends you have and new ones are also sent to your rescue. I have learned so much about myself. I was also perhaps in what seemed a cruel joke, chosen to be the one to show this despicable human being that you cannot just take what does not belong to you. That you cannot manipulate, hurt and just tread on people. Perhaps it was me chosen to show this person their ugliness and one can only feel sorry for them. Will they change?? I hope so, so they do not taint anothers' life with such pain and suffering.
This is what I thought was happening to me BUT I have prospered, I have conquered, I have protected, and I have shined!!
I have Integrity...I have faith in myself.....I have courage and strength... I have honesty and dignity. "I am Titanium" This exceeded "The Despicable" and I am proud of myself for surviving.
This is deep I know...but I really did want to get it out there by writing it down and sharing. Not on facebook but on my blog as I know that there are many of you that have always supported my creations and you are all truly wonderful souls and I felt that you would understand, even if I am not making perfect sense.
This is a move forward for me and with that, I let go of the past. Being underground was the reason for my absence and therefore a lack of stitching. I haven't decided what I am going to do in that department as yet. I will, for now, just enjoy spending sometime back on my feet but my current designs are still available for purchase.
I will pop back and blog, just not sure when.........
I would like to thankyou for your time and understanding as you sat quietly and listened to what I had to say. It does feel good and a tad empowering. I am allowing myself to open my heart again and to let it out and let it go is a kind of forgiveness I guess, for myself anyway. That's got to be a good thing hey??
I wish everyone a loving and happy journey and may your struggles (if you have any) soon become triumphs!!
Re-stitched in life!!
Natalie XXX
One day you will have new ideas, new goals, and will be busy living your life. When you look back at this time it will be a faint memory. Know that you are loved and we care for you.!!
Posted by: Robin | January 29, 2013 at 01:29 AM
Hi Natalie,
It's so lovely to hear from you again. I was quite concerned as it was so unlike you. I'm sorry to hear why, but delighted to know that you are coming out of the other side. I have been in a nasty situation like that and it is shocking and debilitating. Sending you more love and courage.
Hugs, Sharon
Posted by: Sharon L F | January 29, 2013 at 10:21 AM
Great to have you back Nat! So sorry to hear your story. Have missed reading your blogs and the stories of Barry and your other 4 legged family members. 2013 is your year to shine and i hope you decide to bless us with your gorgeous creations again. Big HUGX.. Jackie.xx
Posted by: jackie | January 29, 2013 at 06:58 PM
Wishing you nothing but the best!! So sorry for what you have been through.
Have a super great sewing and stitching day!
Posted by: Miss Nancy | January 30, 2013 at 01:57 PM
Natalie, it's so nice to hear from you here. I follow you on Facebook and had wondered what had happened. Having twice been seriously hurt by people I loved and trusted, I can truly understand how you feel. It took many years to overcome the despair and pain they caused, and occasionally I still feel twinges, but eventually, if one is strong, and I believe you are (even though we've never met), you can get above and beyond this. It will make you a better and stronger person. I admire the fact that you hope for better things for the person who hurt you, that takes extreme courage. Just remember there are people out here in blogville as well, who only want the best for you! BTW, how's Barry?
Posted by: SuzK | January 30, 2013 at 11:39 PM
Hi Natalie, missed you in blogland...feel sad for you that this situation has happened to you. Sorry that you've had to experience that kind of person...its not far and people who live their lives by hurting others will one day meet their God and have to answer for spilling all that ugliness onto someone else...there is no excuse for that kind of hurtful ways.... Love and forgiveness is the key for much happiness and you have been the most honorable one and have done that..it's so hard and dealing with hard things is what will bring peace in your life and the blessings to follow...thanks for trusting enough to share your heart.. a huge step.... your loved and a huge blessing, have great talent and 'can do anything'... ... may your future be blessed beyond measure and peace follow you everywhere....
Big Hugs Dawn x x x
Posted by: Dawn | February 01, 2013 at 12:47 AM
Well hello stranger! I know it has been hard for you, and no wonder. I have been thinking of you lately, how you are getting on then found you posted this! It is wonderful that you have friends to help you keep your head up above the surface.... I just know you will come out on top! You take care of yourself, and Jack....
Big Squishy Hugs xx
Posted by: SarahF | February 01, 2013 at 04:58 PM
I would like to share my motto with you that I have used in recent years when I too have been in "my cave" and felt like I would never come out again.....I simply say in my head....
Always Forward!! Always Forward!!
Good luck honey, stay strong!! Cathy xx
Posted by: Cathy Purdon | February 01, 2013 at 08:51 PM
Some people are just horrid and it makes you wonder what goes on in their heads.... Hugs to you Nat and I hope that nasty person has gone from your life.. Remember you are a special lady and will always be the better one. ♥♥ hugssss Vicki xx
Posted by: Vicki ♥ | February 02, 2013 at 01:51 PM
Welcome back to blogland. Sorry to hear about the traumatic time you have had and wishing that all that is now in the past and that the present and future will be a lot brighter for you. Looking forward to reading more blog posts in the near future. Take care.
Posted by: Yvonne W | February 02, 2013 at 02:28 PM
Hi,
So fantastic to hear you are back in blogland. I agree with Celia's comments but it is hard to stop others hurting you and block them out.
Stay strong and it is great that you are floating.
Keep smiling,
Heather
Posted by: Heather Tucker | February 04, 2013 at 10:16 AM
Welcome back! I hope the road gets easier...
Posted by: Phoebe | February 16, 2013 at 08:58 AM
Hi Nat, its been a long time, but I have followed your amazing success which has always been so richly deserved. I have enjoyed your blog and your beautiful designs. I was so saddened to read your latest blog. The one thing I do know for sure it that the very funny, creative & inspirational person I knew all those years ago is still who you are today. Nothing and no one person can ever take that away from you, it is your soul, its who you are and will always be. Take care of yourself.
Posted by: Linda Campbell | February 16, 2013 at 10:05 PM
I am so glad I clicked my bookmarked link to your blog. You have been missed in this house. I have been worried what may have been going on and figured it was something personal and big to take you away for such a long time. Let's hope forward movement puts the necessary distance between you and the troubles. Peace, love and jellybeans to you, Jack, your hubby and of course Barry xxx
Posted by: Sarah O | February 17, 2013 at 09:01 PM
Welcome back Nat. You poor thing, you've had a really rough trot, but you have triumphed, Good to see you are now stronger despite this despicable person. Good for you love. May your life just get better and better. ;o)
Hugs,
Joy :o)
Posted by: Joy :o) | February 20, 2013 at 09:39 PM
Glad to see you back! I've missed your posts. I do need to get an order together. Please let me know what patterns you have. I have some Honey Honey Jelly Rolls set aside for a certain little four block quilt...I've even hoarded, I mean, set aside an Oh Cherry Roll (now you know). Big hugs!
Posted by: Auntie Pami | February 25, 2013 at 01:09 PM
Dear Natalia,
I cried when I read your post, for myself and well as for you, because I have also had that despicable person pull me down - she rears her ugly head every so often.
Bless your heart, Natalie and keep up your gorgeous work.
Posted by: Stella Whittingham | February 26, 2013 at 10:54 AM
Mmmmm!!! there are people out there that think they have right to be destructive, they don't, horrible to be part of such an occurrence may 2013 be a wonderful year for you Natalie.
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