It's been 10 months since my last post and I have thought long and hard as to whether or not I was going to write this post today. I have decided on a yes but in saying that you will probably find this post a little cryptic, a touch mysterious and perhaps draw from it what you will.
The reason........ I want the feeling that comes with letting go, off loading (to a degree) shedding some skin through writing, so to speak. :) So please bare with me my friends!
On this day 12 months ago I received a phone call from a despicable human being that changed my life forever. It sent me into a tail spin from which I immediately headed underground. It was like being cut off at the knees, picked up from your ankles and dropped on your head and when you get up, when you eventually drag yourself back up onto your feet you have no idea which way is up.
Life still moves forward, the sun still rises and sets, the moon still throws a beam but you stand still...numb.....confused.....hurt......trying to somehow remove a pain from within, stick it in a bottle and toss it in the ocean. But you cannot. You don't know how to get it out of you. It haunts you. It takes your soul. It breaks you. And none of it was your doing. A despicable human being had somehow been created on this earth, found you in their so called journey of whatever and tried to destroy you.
Heavy I know, but so so true. All the qualities of ourselves that we have aquired and learned along the way on our journey like confidence, self esteem, security etc just disappear.....poooooffff......just like that to the arrival of hate, fear, mourning. The list goes on............!
Where do you go? Who do you turn too? Friends.....very very special friends who very slowly but surely gently pull you to the surface and keep doing that everytime you sink until one day you just manage to stay there, just bobbing. You may be wearing floaties but that's ok, you're still at the surface..
Then it all slowly starts to become clear as to why this has happened. There has to be a reason, a message in it. Life simply could not be so cruel. You find strength, you realise what truly special friends you have and new ones are also sent to your rescue. I have learned so much about myself. I was also perhaps in what seemed a cruel joke, chosen to be the one to show this despicable human being that you cannot just take what does not belong to you. That you cannot manipulate, hurt and just tread on people. Perhaps it was me chosen to show this person their ugliness and one can only feel sorry for them. Will they change?? I hope so, so they do not taint anothers' life with such pain and suffering.
This is what I thought was happening to me BUT I have prospered, I have conquered, I have protected, and I have shined!!
I have Integrity...I have faith in myself.....I have courage and strength... I have honesty and dignity. "I am Titanium" This exceeded "The Despicable" and I am proud of myself for surviving.
This is deep I know...but I really did want to get it out there by writing it down and sharing. Not on facebook but on my blog as I know that there are many of you that have always supported my creations and you are all truly wonderful souls and I felt that you would understand, even if I am not making perfect sense.
This is a move forward for me and with that, I let go of the past. Being underground was the reason for my absence and therefore a lack of stitching. I haven't decided what I am going to do in that department as yet. I will, for now, just enjoy spending sometime back on my feet but my current designs are still available for purchase.
I will pop back and blog, just not sure when.........
I would like to thankyou for your time and understanding as you sat quietly and listened to what I had to say. It does feel good and a tad empowering. I am allowing myself to open my heart again and to let it out and let it go is a kind of forgiveness I guess, for myself anyway. That's got to be a good thing hey??
I wish everyone a loving and happy journey and may your struggles (if you have any) soon become triumphs!!
Re-stitched in life!!
Natalie XXX
Good luck Natalie, glad to hear things are on the up and up.
Happy days to you and your family.
Bev.xoxo
Posted by: Bev C | January 27, 2013 at 01:43 PM
Good luck Natalie in whichever direction life takes you. Glad to hears things are looking better fro you. Hugs,xx.
Posted by: Jeanette | January 27, 2013 at 01:55 PM
Dear Natalie, I have missed reading your posts and seeing your amazing creations. I am so sorry that this ugliness has occured in your life and had such a profound affect on you. Thank goodness for the support of your friends and your ability to find your way to the surface again.
I hope that this year brings you nothing but sunshine and smiles.
Welcome back!
Finally remember: It takes 42 muscles to frown,28 muscles to smile,but only 4 muscles to reach out and slap someone!! :D
Posted by: Mhairi | January 27, 2013 at 02:48 PM
So sorry to hear about this trauma in your life. My only advice is that people will only break your soul/heart if you allow them to get in. We are hurt regularly but need to cling to our strenght and in our case our art (quilting or other passion that moves us), otherwise we are ceasing control to him/her well above to our initial hurt. So be strong and above all please consider getting back to your quilting, designing, your patterns and your blog, so we can all share your success and encourage you when you are sad!
Posted by: Celia | January 27, 2013 at 02:52 PM
Glad to hear you are still around. Hope there are happier days ahead.
Posted by: Michelle | January 27, 2013 at 03:36 PM
So glad to hear from you again. May this new year bring with it only good and blessed happiness into your life. May your strength continue to grow and may your creative muse come back more strongly than ever before. May happiness overtake you and your home and cloak you within it. Looking forward to your future posts.
Posted by: Wendy | January 27, 2013 at 04:57 PM
So sorry to hear that you have had a major trauma in your life. I have certainly missed your blog and hopefully, when the time is right for you you will continue your blogs. Take care.
Posted by: Elizabeth | January 27, 2013 at 06:43 PM
((((HUGS)))) Natalie sometimes you need to remove yourself to preserve yourself I hope this ugly person has realised that you're far better than they will ever be and leave you alone! I truely don't understand what people get out of doing things like this to such lovely,caring people like you.Take care of yourself and your family we'll be here waiting when and if you decide to return to blogging just remember there are more people out here that love you and all you do than people like this one person so take comfort in that thought please :) Barb.
Posted by: Barb | January 27, 2013 at 07:30 PM
Natalie, it is so good to hear from you again. I knew something major must have happened in your life for your not blogging all this time. Keep your chin up and may you experience many blessings in 2013.
Mzryznne
Posted by: maryanne P | January 27, 2013 at 08:38 PM
glad toe see you back
big hug
jacqueline
Posted by: Jacqueline Wouters | January 27, 2013 at 08:45 PM
You are awesome! Welcome back sending love & xx
Posted by: Tina Dillon | January 27, 2013 at 09:02 PM
Glad to have you back - missed the catch-ups, the stories on Barry, the chocolates and the wonderful stitching that is you - I know the 'Titanium' is you is hard, rock solid, strengthen to last a lifetime and above all shiny and brilliant to all the have the opportunity to see it.
Posted by: Nay from Nays Place | January 27, 2013 at 11:23 PM
Hi Natalie , i have missed your blog writing and your creative spirit even more. I really hope you heal and come back to us. very best wishes
Posted by: Heather Miller | January 28, 2013 at 12:32 AM
hugs and good luck this year!
Posted by: Dianne | January 28, 2013 at 12:53 AM
Wow it's almost like this is my story!! It's really hard to let go of the things that hurt you but when you do you can be really proud of yourself, this much i also know!! :-) Know in your heart that there are always people there who are struggling the same way, so this can help you get your strenght back!
Best wishes, Debbie
Posted by: debbie | January 28, 2013 at 05:59 AM
Life cant be such a merry go round. Its ok to step off once in a while. Best wishes and keep strong!
Posted by: Deb R | January 28, 2013 at 08:39 AM
Nice to see you back on the surface again! It is said what doesn't kill us makes us stronger...so good girl - i see you survived and have come out of this stronger....the best revenge is success...you rock!
Posted by: Lorraine | January 28, 2013 at 09:50 AM
Hi Nat, I am going through a very trying time of my own at the moment. Because of a certain Human Being I had to make the decision to move myself and my 2 teenage children out of their home and into an old 2 bedroom townhouse with no idea what the future would hold. It has been 7 and a half months and I am still at the bobbing stage and wishing my floaties did not have holes in them as some days I go under. Take care of yourself and remember you are not alone in your struggles. Try to take the good from every day and use the philosophy that everything happens for a reason, even if we don't know all the reasons....Hugs Kate xx
Posted by: Kate Sharpe | January 28, 2013 at 10:18 AM
It's lovely to see you back, Natalie. I'm sorry to hear that you've been through such an awful time. Glad you've got some good fiends to help you out of it xoxo
Posted by: Katie | January 28, 2013 at 02:05 PM
Nice to have you back - i must admit i have missed reading your blog posts. Sorry you have had something awful to deal with. I hope things only get better for you from now on. Best of luck with whatever you decide to do.
Posted by: Jody Herbert | January 28, 2013 at 02:13 PM
Have missed your inspiring creations Natalie. Be strong. You are a creative wonderful person. Remember my quilt from Toowoomba.....
Posted by: jenny | January 28, 2013 at 04:46 PM
Hi Nat, so lovely to have you back and I'm pleased you are feeling strong and safe. I have thought of you often and send you love and hugs. XX
Posted by: Alison M | January 28, 2013 at 06:15 PM
Welcome back!!!! Have missed you heaps but still ocassionally check to see if you are back on the air - and then today what a pleasant surprise :-)
It is amazing how strong our spirits really are and I am glad that you are ok. Feel free to contact me if you need anything.
Hope the family are well and that includes the menagerie!!!
Take care, it has been lovely to get an update from you.
Hugs!!!!
Posted by: Leanne | January 28, 2013 at 07:29 PM
Welcome back, I missed you and I hope that everything continues to improve
Posted by: Leanne V | January 28, 2013 at 07:47 PM
Thanks for sharing with us what you have been dealing with...It's lovely to hear from you again you have been missed Terribly...Sorry to hear your story but it's Up from here on end...Take Care Nat looking forward to hearing from you again Soon.
Hugs
xx
Posted by: Maree | January 29, 2013 at 01:19 AM