It's been 10 months since my last post and I have thought long and hard as to whether or not I was going to write this post today. I have decided on a yes but in saying that you will probably find this post a little cryptic, a touch mysterious and perhaps draw from it what you will.
The reason........ I want the feeling that comes with letting go, off loading (to a degree) shedding some skin through writing, so to speak. :) So please bare with me my friends!
On this day 12 months ago I received a phone call from a despicable human being that changed my life forever. It sent me into a tail spin from which I immediately headed underground. It was like being cut off at the knees, picked up from your ankles and dropped on your head and when you get up, when you eventually drag yourself back up onto your feet you have no idea which way is up.
Life still moves forward, the sun still rises and sets, the moon still throws a beam but you stand still...numb.....confused.....hurt......trying to somehow remove a pain from within, stick it in a bottle and toss it in the ocean. But you cannot. You don't know how to get it out of you. It haunts you. It takes your soul. It breaks you. And none of it was your doing. A despicable human being had somehow been created on this earth, found you in their so called journey of whatever and tried to destroy you.
Heavy I know, but so so true. All the qualities of ourselves that we have aquired and learned along the way on our journey like confidence, self esteem, security etc just disappear.....poooooffff......just like that to the arrival of hate, fear, mourning. The list goes on............!
Where do you go? Who do you turn too? Friends.....very very special friends who very slowly but surely gently pull you to the surface and keep doing that everytime you sink until one day you just manage to stay there, just bobbing. You may be wearing floaties but that's ok, you're still at the surface..
Then it all slowly starts to become clear as to why this has happened. There has to be a reason, a message in it. Life simply could not be so cruel. You find strength, you realise what truly special friends you have and new ones are also sent to your rescue. I have learned so much about myself. I was also perhaps in what seemed a cruel joke, chosen to be the one to show this despicable human being that you cannot just take what does not belong to you. That you cannot manipulate, hurt and just tread on people. Perhaps it was me chosen to show this person their ugliness and one can only feel sorry for them. Will they change?? I hope so, so they do not taint anothers' life with such pain and suffering.
This is what I thought was happening to me BUT I have prospered, I have conquered, I have protected, and I have shined!!
I have Integrity...I have faith in myself.....I have courage and strength... I have honesty and dignity. "I am Titanium" This exceeded "The Despicable" and I am proud of myself for surviving.
This is deep I know...but I really did want to get it out there by writing it down and sharing. Not on facebook but on my blog as I know that there are many of you that have always supported my creations and you are all truly wonderful souls and I felt that you would understand, even if I am not making perfect sense.
This is a move forward for me and with that, I let go of the past. Being underground was the reason for my absence and therefore a lack of stitching. I haven't decided what I am going to do in that department as yet. I will, for now, just enjoy spending sometime back on my feet but my current designs are still available for purchase.
I will pop back and blog, just not sure when.........
I would like to thankyou for your time and understanding as you sat quietly and listened to what I had to say. It does feel good and a tad empowering. I am allowing myself to open my heart again and to let it out and let it go is a kind of forgiveness I guess, for myself anyway. That's got to be a good thing hey??
I wish everyone a loving and happy journey and may your struggles (if you have any) soon become triumphs!!
Re-stitched in life!!